shitty long weekend

so i've been so down in the dumps lately and i was excited because this weekend had real potential to be good...there were some bright spots, but it fell WAY short of being good...

I have been sick and I worked all day Friday and Saturday and felt like shit. After work on friday, my parents and i went to Rizzo's for dinner...the food was great, and then we went to Dairy Queen which was good too...but then on Friday night just as I was getting ready to go to bed (at like 8pm since i was sick) I got a phone call that SeSe (my Aunt Fran, she is more like a grandma than an aunt since my mom's mother died before i was born) was in the emergency room...she has been sick for a while, in and out of the hospital, and she stopped breathing at home and they brought her to the ER...so when i got there she had an ET tube in and was on a ventilator and was unresponsive. I was just so pissed b/c she really didn't want any of that...I started crying...it was like I was in a movie or something. some of the people that were there when she was being resusicated were describing it and it was making me really upset and made me feel like i was going to throw up. i just kept staring into space and became fixated on her monitor and the up and down of the pulse ox and heart rate...i felt like telling them to shut the fuck up but i couldn't even talk. some other family members were there and they were trying to make small talk about my vet school plans, and i was nice and responded, i didn't want to act like a bitch, but i really felt like i got ran over by a bus...
i went outside and called some people, no one answered their cells, that sucked...i needed to talk to someone about anything but what was happening in the hospital, but I couldn't b/c no one was available. it made me think of how alone in the world people really are and how i wish i had a boyfriend. i finally got in touch w/ my parents and as they were coming to the hospital i was leaving...i just needed to get to sleep...

on sunday i had plans w/ katie h who i haven't seen in like 3 years...we went shopping at the galleria mall and it was fun...so that was one bright spot in my weekend...then i went home and slept and then at like 7:30pm my mom woke me up and told me that SeSe passed away...so most of sunday sucked too...

today i worked on my vet school applications all day...i'm almost done, i just have a few essays to write...eeerrr...then i went to a get-together at jeanne & scott's house and that was fun...everyone got me in a good mood, especially the kids & the puppies...so this was one more bright spot in my weekend because i really had a good time :)

so the drawing for the mustang that i entered to win and was sure that was mine, was today, and i obviously didn't win because i didn't get a phone call...that sucks. and when i got home from jeanne & scott's my mom informed me that i am doing a reading at the funeral on wednesday...now i am nervous...i don't want to cry in front of everyone at the church but i know that i will and it is going to suck...but i couldn't say no...eeerrr...

i surprise myself sometimes that i can appear so put together and happy when i really am not at all...and this whole weekend leaves me thinking, why does everything always have to be so difficult?!? i really hope that things start brightning up soon...